Why SEO is like roller derby
Inspired by forthcoming home of shit online marketing articles, shitbound.org, I’ve been having some fun searching Google for what might politely be called SEO standards. You know, “What licking my own elbow taught me about SEO” or “How SEO is Like Making Scrambled Eggs on Toast”. You are welcome to both of those ideas.
“What [insert random topic] taught me about SEO”
I’ve not necessarily read all of these articles, some of them might actually be good. They all have somewhat entertaining titles though.
What Whitney Houston Taught me about SEO
Whitney, they say her biggest hit was her last one. So what did the troubled singer teach the writer of that article about SEO? Basically, nothing. I’ve had the displeasure of reading this article and all I think is why does it hurt so bad?
What Drycleaning taught me about SEO
This article is in 3 (three) parts. I bet you are intrigued…
What Selling Knives Taught Me About SEO
That there’s more money in SEO?
What Bruce Springsteen Taught Me About SEO
That it’s easy to be The Boss? gedditt??
What Part-Time Jobs Taught Me About SEO
What Steve Jobs Taught Me About SEO
These two come as a set, I think.
What Being an Indie Rapper Taught Me About Being an SEO
I’m almost tempted to look at these slides.
What Waterless Urinals Taught Me about SEO
I have a sneaking suspicion that I might be missing out by not reading this. You’d have to be confident of your content to give such an off-putting title, right?
So that’s “What [fill the blank] taught me about SEO” covered in all its glory. What next?
How about,
“How SEO is like [add term which is nothing like SEO]“?
Yes, how indeed, you may ask? Plan it, build it, maintain it, basically. But wait, from the writer who brought you “How SEO is Like Construction”, here’s…
How SEO is Like Running a Marathon
How? Training (learning SEO), thinking long term and keeping going. Inspiring stuff.
Taking his own advice, the same writer noticed how…
Keep it natural and monitor your results apparently.
How SEO is like a 401k Portfolio
401K is American for pension. I think this one is saying diversify your investments/links.
I couldn’t bear to actually read it. Sorry, I’m a bad blogger.
It isn’t really.
How SEO is like buying a new house
Really?
How SEO is like the Hunger Games
Come on, this is getting silly now.
Full of flatpack furniture and meatballs? Probably not.
Incredibly, it gets worse…
Just no.
Words fail me.
Why SEO is like farming but not the genetically modified kind
Mooo!
Roller derby is butch girls pretending they’re in the movie Rollerball
Why SEO is like your high school child
But I didn’t have a child at high school, honest!
Why SEO is like making love to a beautiful woman
Actually, I just made that one up.
Well if you got this far, I’m sorry but that’s a few minutes of your life you’ll never get back. Thanks for sticking with it.
If you bothered to read the ones that I obviously didn’t and found them useful or especially if you found anything even funnier in the actual article, please comment below.
